Cocaine Bear: The true story-based adventure directed by Elizabeth Banks appears to be everything that the internet wants it to be.
Since the beginning of time, man has been seeking aesthetic excellence. The analysis of the emotive power of visual media and the endless attempts to comprehend what makes truly great art wonderful can be found throughout historical texts.
Cocaine Bear is based on a true story, 2023 is the year of the Cocaine Bear
Nobody seems to ever completely concur. Before now. What you really need is a bear and a duffel bag of cocaine, it turns out.
Although you could be excused for thinking that Cocaine Bear was just a C-movie looking to go viral thanks to Twitter accounts dedicated to breaking down movie news into easily digestible memes, Cocaine Bear is a real movie.
It does very much what it says on the tin—tell a story about a bear raging while completely wasted on coke—and is directed by comedic royalty Elizabeth Banks. What more could you possibly want from a movie? It was first announced in 2019 and stars Ray Liotta in his final, posthumous role alongside Keri Russell, Alden Ehrenreich, O’Shea Jackson Jr., and other actors.
Don’t be troubled. This movie’s bear is high on cocaine.
We witness it yanking a door off its hinges, writhing in pleasure against a tree, snorting cocaine on kids, and frantically looking for its next fix. It’s difficult to withdraw, especially if you’re a 185-pound black bear.
It only needs to be seen raving to Charli XCX’s song Vroom Vroom or spilling its life’s secrets to a complete stranger in a club bathroom, but hey, some stuff needs to be kept a secret for release.
It is based on a true story from the 1980s about a bear that got into an abandoned bag of cocaine that smugglers dropped out of a plane in the US state of Georgia, despite its almost laughably unbelievable premise.
It appears that this version of events will follow the tried-and-true survival comedy-horror path because the reality of what happened after is far less entertaining than any two-word film title could hope to give us.
When we finally got our hands on its trailer after spending several years circling in the Twittersphere, the app lit up naturally like the brain scan of a bear who had consumed 88 pounds of cocaine.
Cocaine Bear, on the other hand, balances on a far thinner line. People have a clear vision for the movie. It may also be this movie, as suggested by the trailer. Cocaine Bear must now act as though it believes what it says. It only has to be a movie about a bear who does cocaine for the trailer to live up to its promise.
There shouldn’t be any overbearing moralizing regarding the drug trade. Minimum realistic representations of a bear overdosing on drugs and dying must be used. There should be absolutely no subplots.
Cocaine Bear is what I’m going to watch. I’ll be purchasing my own ticket. However, I swear to god that I will demand a refund if I even catch a whiff of any conversation that does not specifically address what a bear is like when it is high on cocaine.
It’s a difficult task. Cocaine Bear still has a chance to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. But if any film can pull it off, it’s Cocaine Bear. I believe in you, Cocaine Bear.
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